Lovespell

2010-09-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

I HOPE i still can believe that love is beautiful

Life is pretty awful. Especially when you lose your direction n your mind is whirled with thosand and one shit stuffs. Seriously i hate people that treat me nice one moment and before you know it, they chose to walk out of your life. Thanks.

Well? awful life. yes but i am trying hard to live everyday with smiles n laughter. They aint fake, but its just hard to bring them out despite the overwhelming sadness within me. Thats why im super tempremental, you scold me a little and ya see falling tears from my eyes. argh hate this vulnerable me. Like totally.

Home on sunday. Good girl yea. haha gotta assure my heart n feelings at a better state for a new tomorrow. a begining of real work life. Capricons are career-minded people and yes i am so prepared to do well for this internship job.

Concentrate on work work work. Thats all im gonna work hard for the next 4 months

Bye Night-life, Bye to you. im sick of everything

Because i knew no matter what, we'll still part

Because i knew im not the one

lost love

That's all we have for each other

2010-05-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

SMALL LITTLE THINGS THAT MELT THE HEART & OTHER LITTLE THINGS THAT BREAK THE HEART.

Often people can choose to make a little effort to just do a little thing to touched one's heart while on the other hand, some people will unknowingly made a small little action that instantly shows the selfish-ness and uncaring attitude.

This contrast is when how much the person means to you that will make you spare more than just little efforts to show you love and care for the other party.

But look. the fact is many people are selfish these days.

If you never did try, you will never know how hard and pain it is.

2010-04-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

WHEN YOU DONT REALLY KNOW YOURSELF.

when you don't have a real self identity.

you can't convince others if you don't believe it yourself.

so much of being a pessimist. sucks totally.

Been bothered by the same old thing. haunting me. giving me those scary thoughts.

Everybody in life may have done a regrettable mistake, an unforgivable one, one that cause a nightmare to the rest of his/her life. and it is one deepest darkest secret that will not be said and hoping it will never be discovered.

how scary? it happened.

2010-03-29T00:22:00.000-07:00

I Hope this time i will be right.
but actually there isn't any right or wrong to begin with

2010-03-22T21:09:00.001-07:00

It's a Habit or i just Can't Live Without?

it puzzles me and i do wonder.

2010-03-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

YOU R NOT IMPORTANT.

i should know what is good and bad for such situation like this now.

if this is want i really want i should really just care less of certain people who just don't have the position to jeopardize my emotions and everything.

Cause it's you that i care.

that's all.

Seriously (ABC 123 !?!), i thought you shouldn't really exist

2010-03-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

I Don't See Any Light In This Pitch Darkness

All i simply yearn for is support and encouragement,

cause they are the most important ones in my life,

not discrimination and attitudes,

no matter what any outcomes will be like,

a close one will never give up showing care & concern

But i guess out of 10, i lose all 9 =(

Even when i fall hard again,

Will you say...

serve you right or i'll always be there to catch you when you fall

i guess i don't deserve the second statement

2010-03-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

BLANK.
don't know what to type.
if things could be easily simplified

2010-03-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

If time can freeze

if only time can freeze then i hope it stop at that particular moment.

if i could turn back time, i wish i handle things the better way. but it is kind of impossible.

Staying close will just make letting go even tougher

I don't believe in gaining something at the expense of someone's happiness. Don't you feel guilt-ridden and insecure about holding something that doesn't meant for you in the first place.But in this reality world. it's about how you portray your capabilities and tactics to get what you want. thus, nothing belongs to you until you really get it in hand and hold it tight, cause you never know when it will be gone when you lose grip.

But fighting isn't my style, cause i dont believe in feeling happier to fight for the things you want. Fighting i mean, trying means and ways to just get it, even when losing your principles and pride is a kind of "investment". i believe in putting my utmost best and use 101% to work hard for it. for example, if i set it hard that my career will be this way, i will use my heart and effort to work it through and not scheming tactics or hypocritical ways to get what i want. Sometimes proving so hard you already gain what you want is just an empty shell.

i hate this distances, cause i treasure our friendships.

i should learn to forsake some

Greed is always the plight

2010-03-12T00:18:00.000-08:00

CEASED TO EXIST

if only i can change what had happened and wish some people never existed or i myself can disappear from this, now and immediately. Don't really know what's going on for so long. leading my life aimlessly and soon i think i lost my true self. what am i doin and what am i seeking. the more i wish to make myself happier, at the end of the day, i feel even more unhappy and upset. maybe i shouldn't be like this anymore. stubborness is just getting in my way but when the time is soon to come, i probably can.

Today is the day i owe someone a promise that i should fulfill. but i guess i have not been trying hard enough so can i request for an extended deadline?

Data entry job ends today, hmmm... losing one source of income, should i continue another job?
at least working will allow me to escape and feel busy. but for only that short while.

Got my results today. i think i screwed my poly life semester after semester. this time my gpa dropped slightly again. it is a disappointment to myself. i could have done better. But this semester was really a tough one for me. i tried so hard to concentrate and work it through all odds. really, it's painful and teadious. i almost breakdown at some point during that period.

When you know it is impossible, don't try hoping for some possibilities to come out of it.
cause it will never happen.

2010-03-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

CHEAT

i seriously sympathize Jack Neo's wife situation, not only that she has been cheated by a bastard husband but she has to take in all the shits of media attention and pressure from the public just because she is a comedian and a well-known man's wife. Worst of all, she has to claim that she is perfectly cool with it, whether is it genuinely or out of an act to say she accept and forgive everything her husband has done. this is so magnanimous of her. How many women can actually accept his husband to cheat one after another and knowing it but keeping it all to herself. this is just so... .... sigh

she is admirable but at the same time stupid. haha. but actually there are many stupid women around to believe such guys who cheat. Cause cheater have their ways to make their wife believe their lies. Cheating seems like a trend now. every guy/girl is doing it in a relationship. it's no longer about being faithful to one cause every one have the tendency to cheat when you have the opportunities and qualities.

If you look good or you are rich enough, with the status and the attraction, will anyone resist to temptations and for the moment you will realize you neglect the responsibility you had to another individual. Forsaking a special and true one for something that is so temporary.

is it worth it?

Cause human will never be satisfied for one, especially when you think you are capable to find a better one or someone to satisfy your pleasure. this is sick. totally.

if only you dint exist,

it will not destroy a happiness

but cause of your presence,

make that love seems so vulnerable & worthless

2010-03-10T20:11:00.000-08:00

COMES & GO COMES & GO COMES & GO...
it's getting pretty irritating.

When it will just STAY or simply LEAVE for good

2010-03-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

TRUELY MADLY DEEPLY

when you try so hard to make what you wish and hopes to come true and or make it work out but eventually you stll lose to no one else but your own determination. when your emotions took control of everything. you realise you can only give up and let the unbroken connection stay.

have been slogging and working but i dont see $$$ coming in yet
this is so upsetting.
cause i have freaking broke.
i dont have money for food today lol

i hope my GPA wont drop!!!!! *prays*

P.S. I AM NOT IN A R/S with anybody HAHAHAHA

2010-03-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

I AM SO ANGELIC TODAY (=

i really like my third job as i worked with a very nice girl sherry!

nice weekend job!

promoting citigems as a angel model!! HAHA

okay angel just don't suit me. but kids love me today!

i am just so workaholic now!

If there's a choice to make, i would rather be a devil in reality

angels are just too nice to get bullied

i don't want to be nice

2010-03-05T11:45:00.000-08:00

IT REVOLVES ALL ABOUT WORKING

DAY & NIGHT

i feel tired...

i am just busy working & working.

i feel my body is breaking down, but i think it is my inner self that couldn't hold any longer.

2010-03-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

If there is a song to express to you
how i really feel now. the song is 安静

every lyrics,every word states my thoughts

2010-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

I Hope A Magician Can Make Me DISAPPEAR

life feel meaningless, it's just another tomorrow

2010-03-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

SIMPLY TRUST NO MORE

Trust should not be solely based on just listening and thinking what you hear that probably feels sincere. there are many times when it's only a facade of sincerity and "truthful" looking pair eyes that you thought you saw but it ends off with a big word naive smacking on your forehead.

People are just too blinded and masked by feelings and everything, but in reality how you feel for the person may be very different for how the person feels for you. you may think things goes two ways but the fact is it doesn't.

If someone is sincere, actions will speak louder than words. words has no significant and value anymore, promises may appear to be true when it first came out from the mouth but soon it become lies. How many times in your life you made promises whether to yourself or someone you loved and you fulfill it? and how many times you unintentionally break it? There should probably be a higher proportion of breaking than keeping promises. Cause there are always unforeseen circumstances that come by which trigger minds to forsake their principles and promises made. There is no costs to breaking a promise or losing someone's trust as the pain doesn't falls on the breaker but the person who believes.

It's hard to keep promises. and people who believe empty promises are naive.

i shan't say things i can never do and lay my trust on anybody in this scheming world

trust no one but myself.

maybe when the time is right.

i'll make it right.

awhile more, a little closer

2010-03-02T03:22:00.001-08:00

What you fear of...

becomes an OBSESSION

Today is a sporty day. i like. feel tired and sleepy now though. zzzz

hmmmm.. i hope i can get the data entry job recommended by Sophia. for that means, i found source of income. sucks. i really need to save $$$. and i am so freaking penniless now ='(

i don't care how other really think and say about me.Like seriously. oh well? humans just tend to judge what they think they saw or rather what they hear from others. if by just taking some unproven statements to pin a person's character down is just overly too much.

but what to do. people just don't give a benefit of doubt to the person they barely know. All they can do is to use nasty terms and bitchy talks on the person you only know by NAME. laughs.You can say all you want, judge anything for i don't really care.

i can see your POTENTIAL, but that's what makes me dumb.

2010-03-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

TOO HARD TO LET GO

& IT'S PAINFUL TO STAY

there's nothing i can do, i want neither

2010-03-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

DO I? Do I just need to give up and get on with my life

Baby, what are we becoming

It feels just like we’re always running

Rolling through the motions everyday

I can lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you

Seems like you could care less either way

What happened to that girl I used to know

I just want us back to the way we were before

Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy
Do I have your love, am I still enough
Tell me don’t I, or tell me do I baby
Give you everything that you ever wanted
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life
Baby, do I

i follow my heart. i do what i like and what makes me happy. i don't really care anymore.

it's not about pride and ego, lying to your own feelings felt worst.

PS. heartfelt lyrics .... "Do I by Luke Bryan"

2010-02-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

GET THIS RIGHT.

我从来都不说不，不是因为我愿意，是因为我爱你
我从来都不生气，不是因为我没有脾气，是因为我爱你
我从来都不哭，不是因为我没有眼泪，是因为我爱你

i know everybody has a say to all my doings. all my love ones are willingly to be there and catch me if i really fall.

let me fall hard and i will know.

i am just asking for it. seriously

2010-02-28T01:38:00.000-08:00

TRIED SO HARD

there's no happiness

I looked up, the tall building with so many windows, you said you waved but i can't see...

i search, i look all around, but still i didn't manage to find your window that has you.

Some thoughts ran through my mind for that moment, it's actually so hard finding you, it's so difficult reaching you. the distance apart is always there. both at the same place yet fate didn't brought us close enough. Maybe someday, the last connection will be gone. That's when we won't try hard to find each other anymore.

Actually you can't see yourself, but your actions proves everything.

why you don't like certain things about the person but you do great things with the person.

why you grumble all intolerable stuffs about the one yet you will still give in to whatever shits that person is giving you. simply cause you have feelings for the person. feelings don't come with chemistry. and chemistry is not the same as feelings. it's not because the person is nice or good, thats why you love him/her. it's only when you started sacrificing, started to ignore your principles and do things you never thought you would. That's just cause you are just so into the person. love for someone doesn't measure how much you done or how much you give in to the person. it is just how much stupid things you have done for the person unknowingly. And even when you don't see any future with the person, you would still want him/her by your side. whatever you do, just be happy about it.

2010-02-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

SELF

i cannot lose track of my self-identity, i need to know what i want to do and how i wanna lead this life.

but for a period of time, i feel lost

2010-02-27T23:04:00.000-08:00

TIRED

really exhausted all my energy

a game i meant to lose,

screw chemistry...

if it hadn't been you... probably i wont be stuck for so long

time is running, i can't freeze it even i hope and wish

for now, nothing change even after the few hours before sun rise.

when i walked out, it daylight, it's back to norm

you know, i know. simply too tired of everything. Life

P.S. i just want to sleep through

2010-02-26T21:51:00.000-08:00

CHIVAS!!!

Great party night! but my foot hurts now.. New heels kills.

Throughout the night, just hoping i can be drowned by the loud music and forget about anything else.

Have you ever woke up and regret doing something last night? i did.

this sound uberly wrong. but i didn't do anything bad nor unpleasant.

just a moment of folly when i ain't that sober. i realize i can't self-deceive myself when i drink slightly more, cause i was overwhelmed by my true emotions and everything.

That i do something i shouldn't when i thought i could be strong on my stand.

hate me? love me? whatever.

2010-02-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

UGLY TRUTH
Cause the truth is too painful and unbelievable, i choose to trust lies

Even if the answers are crystal clear & predictable, i still ask

plain stupidity

2010-02-26T00:32:00.000-08:00

Everything in life you wish
to be 1st
But in love, being the first is nothing,
the LAST that matters

2010-02-26T00:18:00.000-08:00

DECIPHER

Seriously, i hate to guess and decipher what someone is thinking. like all of those mind gaming and stuffs. why do people think mind fking is a good game to play. you like it. you say yes. you don't then jolly well say no. you can't leave people guessing what's going through your brain when you don't say or show it. and best. when actions and words don't meet.

it's blank when i thought.

and i am not gonna try hard to remember all of it

sorry i will gladly forget if i could.

"Don't act like you care when you simple don't cause it means putting salt to wound."

2010-02-25T22:13:00.000-08:00

i like it goes hot hot hot... cold cold cold

I just don't like it. what can you do about it?

but you can't change it, neither can i say anything about it?

true true true!

it feels sucky to get pangseh-ed. but never mind.

Tonight shall be a great one too. i hope (=

starting work on saturday! yay! earn my first buck for the holidays!
more jobs to come along!!

if someone were to give me a great career opportunity now,

i will seize it tight and succeed!

P.S i like pretty girls, who don't =D

2010-02-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

~~WAITED.~~
this day came, holidayys

nobody knew how much it was a struggle to wipe away my tears and work on what i should know is more important then. Projects piled like there's no tomorrow, tests and projects and presentations just keep crashing on me one after another. it's so vague, i cannot exactly remember how i managed to pull through everything. it's hard,tough and painful. but i did it.

i always wanted a long break to heal this broken heart but i thought it wasn't necessary anymore, i had enough of getting my emotions up and down like a roller coaster ride. it's time to take down that ride and say bye.

i know i can take this break to cry my hearts out, to be an idiot waiting, to hope for something thats is too hard to come true. but self-delusion ain't healthy.

This holiday gotta be really meaningful for me. if it takes me to work a few jobs just to save up. i would. and i am so gonna make this break worthwhile for a great change in myself.

it's about acting out your life,

made a convincing actor and i played well as an audience

2010-02-23T22:59:00.002-08:00

WOUNDED

"not a puppet put up for manipulation"

Sometimes a stranger's (out of nowhere) words weigh more

forgive me, i was stupid.

though i take a longer time to see things crystal clear

at least i don't live muddled forever

2010-02-23T21:25:00.000-08:00

Don't blame me.

a kid don't have to know it all. i wish i was one

It's my first time, i will know it better the next time round

2010-02-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

REHAB

if only, love has it's cure

No complications. I ain't greedy and i am so just contented with one. i don't yearn for the best but i just want it simple. Humans will never get satisfied with what they have. When things are too nice and smooth sailing, you feel uneasy, you don't like the fact that you are not on a roller coaster ride where you can scream your lungs out. you just need the excitement and challenge in life. When some things you wanted, get to your hand so easy, you won't see the importance, but the contradictory point is won't you suppose to feel happy or blissful?

Never say you will feel contented. CAUSE NOBODY WILL.

we just can't get enough of everything,

nothing is perfect, no one is the best

so when everybody is trying to achieve perfection and find the ideal one,

you will soon realize you give up on what you already have.

One may have a million dollars, and because knowing monetary figure is infinite, won't you gamble your million dollar for more?

your million dollar may be gone in just split moments

And

Only when it's gone, you feel the pinch.

P.S oh mans! screw CRS.. the past year paper is ultimate crazy... how am i gonna ACE this paper. RAWR!~ i got a Bplus for coursework. i don't wanna screw it.... =( f-ked.

2010-02-23T12:44:00.001-08:00

You'll never know, cause i've yet to walk out

2010-02-23T11:55:00.001-08:00

RIGHT or WRONG, you judge

Someone asked me: Will you think i am a...... *negative*

Do you think it is so important about how people look at you? yes everybody cares the stares and views from others. i won't deny i don't. But look,you choose what you want to do. you might did the most sinful or guilt-ridden thing ever in your life. something you probably will regret and hate yourself for doing so. but what is done is done, what had happened had already happened. you can't erase it off or simply click off with a delete tab. if you know you would regret, you would have stop what you chose to do. So don't bother saying how bad you feel aftermath.

don't live life with regrets.Making the same mistake all over again may not suggest you are hopeless or stupid, it's just cause you take a longer time to see the ugly truth of your own actions.

Oh well? i am glad and happy that you made a rightful decision. Nobody forces you to. Nobody psycho-ed you. Nobody scolds you for fking ruining your life. You decide it on your own accord and i hope you will succeed and not just saying for the sake of making yourself feel good. that's self-denial.

So much of advising and bringing up the logics and the aspiring views to others

Sadly,I never know how to get all these across my head. just sucks being me.

I have yet to know if i was able to differentiate between the right and wrong stuffs to do.

But,one thing for sure i need to get back. myself.

it felt like i was totally drunk for months. i wake up don't really know what i am doing every now and then. the things i do seems like what drunkards do but not a conscious person with the right state of mind would. at least the drunkard can escape with an excuse of being drunk. But what excuse can i give?

P.S i realize i have a lot of silent readers here. 31??? omfg

2010-02-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE SO!

Damns. i am suffering from severe short term memory.

when someone talks to me things.. i can only remember the main points and not the DETAILS

if only, i could choose the stuffs i wish to remember and forget

The person that all wish to know

LAUGHS.

P.S i am serious that i am trying to START studying

2010-02-22T20:04:00.000-08:00

PROCRASTINATION

this is a BIG word i hate but i am doing so

Bad insomnia last night... gosh. wanted to sleep at 1am.Surf the net till 2.30am

Laid on my bed.. listening to songs that made me felt really emotional and many things came running through my mind. what i want to be and what i want to do.

i wake up. My thoughts are cleared. i have new goals to achieve.

Came across a stranger blog. she is not naturally pretty

but she made herself really hot.

ah huh! i like hot babes (=

haha! wells i just admire her wildness and i believe it is something any girl can do

but it is only bound with a CHOICE.

Life is already so serious.. so why take it so seriously?

heck morals,heck all principles, heck conscience

P.S i want to get rid of clubs resorts spa paper fast and it's PARTY time.

2010-02-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

I AM GOING GYM TMR MORNING!

2010-02-22T07:56:00.000-08:00

I feel drugged ...
AND i am really tired to feel this way

it takes courage to say goodbye, how one could ever put it across so easily?

2010-02-22T07:48:00.000-08:00

IF IT WASN'T EVER MEANT TO BE, IT WILL NEVER BE

If all thinks you are lucky..
have you ever thought so?

2010-02-22T01:47:00.000-08:00

ALL I WISHED FOR ....

the simplest wish i ever wished in my many birthdays.

was that everybody around me to be happy especially my loved ones.

I AM A SUPER HAPPY GIRL TODAY!

cause CAUSE CAUSE.... FINALLY ACCOUNTING IS OVER.

no more accounting to do and i probably wont fail this paper and do a supp paper. I HOPE.

how much further can i go... i really don't know

2010-02-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

Nobody can pull me away if i choose to stay rooted.
argh. i hate nobody but myself

2010-02-21T12:15:00.001-08:00

A DREAM THAT WILL NEVER COME TRUE...
a common dream that once 2 hearts hold.

shouldn't be carried away...
stick by the right & stay away from all the wrongs.
utterly lost...

it's not easy to be nice, but it's even harder to stop being nice.

Fked it!
i dont wanna study anymore!!!!
can i dont study and ACEs my 2 papers? =p
stop dreaming cass!!!!!

2010-02-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

STOP being nice to me. i don't deserve

i dont want people to be nice to me. to see my tears and felt i should be sympathized.
No. i dont want. dont treat me nice by motivating me and cheer me up with all your jokes.
do little things like video and letter to push me on.
yes i appreciated.
But i felt like an ungrateful brat. =(

thanks for saying you'll be there whenever i ring,
and i will cherish this special friendship i could with my heart (=

Even if one day i chose the wrong path
disregarding who i was
probably people around me wont like it.
it's my choice.
i'll answer for any consequences.
not a good girl anymore.

2010-02-16T07:02:00.000-08:00

IT DID FELT LIKE A DREAM. everything.

the beautiful start that ends at same place. fate loves playing tricks

2010-02-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

I aint perfect or good... But i have done my best (=

It's a NEW BRAND YEAR again.. i screwed the month of January.

Let everything start afresh this day!

a special start of the day that falls on valentines day.

Ignoring the fact that it's gonna be a boring CNY for me cause there isn't much relatives visiting to do. and i am not gonna be upset cause i don't have dates on valentines day and i ain't gonna feel lousy for that.

CAUSE at least i made a choice today. a decision i'll never regret cause i know i am freed ...at least from my inner self.

i don't need to beg for something that will never be mine.

at least i have tried and did the most i can do. gave the most i could.

i feel sad cause i know i don't deserve all these shits.

but it's time to put these to a STOP.

I AM GONNA BE A HAPPY GIRL. a party girl. a carefree girl.

2010-02-13T00:51:00.000-08:00

Don't compare me with someone else (= i should not be compared.

Who will reject such a lifestyle?
being loved and feel blissful.
but humans are a contradiction.
they usually ended up self-conflicting...
you always want the person that you love shower you with love & concerns
but not anyone else.

why do you have to push away all the good and make misery to your life.

i should learn to put my stubbornness away
i can't live in self-denial
thinking that it could be this it could be that
it could be the flames have yet to die off
when the fact could be...
probably it has all along become one-sided
as my importance is long forgone

y0u may be crying on one of the 14th cause of someone, but someone else brought you smiles on another 14th. blissful should be the word.
it don't have to be a lover, a fling, a happening companion,
OR someone you wished but it will never be him
it's just a simple friend.
a thoughtful friend
who did small little things that
melts the heart
Happy valentines Day!

XIN NIAN KUAI LE! CASS IS FIRST TIME IN SINGAPORE (=

2010-02-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD!

probably it's a tough decision
i thought at your point of view
and it seems reasonable.
well? Opportunity cost
this is it

2010-02-09T19:57:00.001-08:00

F. I SHOULD STOP BEING SELFLESS!

thinking for others' good before myself.

forever thinking of the good of 'em before mine.

which victim will worry for how long the convict had to be in jail!?!

utterly ridiculous.

yes mankind are selfish.

they only think for their own feelings

their own happiness

as long as they can get rid of all unhappiness away..

who cares about the ones that has to suffer with it.

this is reality.

face it.

i ain't caring about anybody's feelings anymore

why am i considering so much for others and put myself into misery.

i don't want to be kind anymore.

i don't want to work hard for something and left with nothing in the end.

it's a mind killer.

no matter how hard i run away...

from all the thoughts that came gushing through my brain cells.

i can't.

i am having a battle with myself everyday.

my facade of laughter and smiles just seems so pathetic.

i am living off with fake happiness everyday.

i hate to pretend. i hate it.

i wanna let it all out. but i don't wish to be an irritant

move on is all what my love ones can say

Not that i didn't try...

Not that i am ruining my life away ...

Not that i am crying like a loser everyday and made my life put to a stop.

my life goes on, it dint stop

i wanna cry, but i say no to my tears

even in my dreams, cruelty is haunting me..

i can't get rid of all these

all i can is to keep running

to a point that i realise i am running in circles

i ended up lost in those thoughts

i am tired.

tired of loving someone all over again.

putting my whole heart and soul.

it's a short few months but how much it changed me as a person...

i am shocked to see the change in myself.

what we used to do.. became a habit...

i feel like a living dead everyday.

an automated robot.

telling myself to be happy everyday.

yes i show i am happy.

but deep down. a lost soul

no directions........

Am i going live my life this way?

is this what i want?

i need a amnesia pill

2010-02-07T10:03:00.001-08:00

i FEEEL...

LOVE IN PARIS!

Nina Ricci

2010-02-07T10:02:00.001-08:00

P.S LUCKY I DIDNT MAKE A WRONG MOVE TODAY! 3 CHEERS FOR MYSELF (=

2010-02-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

its much better to enjoy the taste of being loved than to be serious in love....

Never imagine a sunday night can be so great.

wonderful dinner. and a nice simple chill out night (=

small little gestures melts the heart!

sometimes only when feelings cannot be put into words that are real.

therefore, people with few words doesn't mean they ain't romantic.

Busy and happening week ahead (=

But i bet its gonna be FUN!

i wouldn't take something old.

something awful.

something spoilt.

something that worth nothing at all cause it's value is all gone.

2010-02-06T08:51:00.001-08:00

I AM A HAPPY GIRL TODAY!! (=

new year clothes!!!! *checked!*

claps claps !!

enjoyed myself a lot the past two days.

its the companion that makes the day =D

talk nonsense.. heart to heart talk !!

happy that i chatted with mummy so much today (=

yes she understands her daughter the most!!

14 Blades is a good show! (=

wuzun look BEST when he don't speak. hahaas

a good sleep tonight!

finding rightful answers to my zillions questions wont be better off than settling with the one and only solution.

2010-02-02T19:56:00.000-08:00

Last...

2010-02-02T19:17:00.000-08:00

Where have my smiles been to?
where are those happy posts i used to have?
this is a platform i vent all my sad and sorrows. but its not gonna continue this way.

Life has been hard on me all these years.
looking back
from primary school to secondary to poly.
my life has never been smooth or good for at least a year.
quarrels with friends...
family problems...
unrevealed crushes...
wrong first love...
new cliques...
girls......
clubbing..
happening stuffs
cheated in love again..
hahahahas.. it's long enough to write a Life story of Cassandraa!

i believe it will carry on...
little good things come.. more bad things fall upon..
i have always been defeated by all those shits
and i know i am still standing strong
wiping off a frown with a smile..
it's not hurting me...
even if i have to fake all these out... i will.
cause i am loser-ish enough all these while
and i am not gonna try so hard anymore.
trying so hard yet..
i am only "appreciated" but the sacrificed one
i wont be crying and thinking and missing....
when the person wouldn't even give a damn.

For you.. i am willingly to be dumb to such an extent.
for so much love i've put in..
i guess it's time to put a full stop to this.
cause... in the end...
u gave that someone the smile.. and left me with the pain..
i hate myself for remembering the good you done.. you said..
cause it pains the heart even more.

原来爱情这么伤

On a happy note.... i think i gonna have
a great thursday --A belated birthday Cele
friday --TQ mission
and monday !!! a shopping date (((((=

2010-02-02T05:43:00.000-08:00

"you are such a treasure, so hard to forsake"

(if you even remember you said it)

LAUGH! hahahahahahas

well? when nothing said can be trusted.

its clear who you have chosen.

无所谓 !

2010-02-01T01:03:00.000-08:00

It's time to WAKEUP.

the feeling of being used and thrown is indescribable. i can never imagine myself to have reacted so calmly. but after serious thoughts. i ought to smack myself real hard to wakeup. stop all silly thoughts and actions. for my feelings are just manipulated all these while. how could someone you love so much hurt you so deeply. u never understand the pain and hurt i gone through. i don't want to be stupid anymore. it's all enough. enough.

you made your decision. your decisions has never include me cause i am always the one you would sacrifice. i will never believe in loving someone wholeheartedly again.

你没想象中爱我

2010-01-25T02:40:00.000-08:00

原来我的幸福是那么的短站

If i ever know such an ending...

exactly 6 months ago.. will i gave my heart away so easily...

it's broken again and again?

it's where trust lies?

probably just not meant to be

2010-01-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

When you know it is never right
when you know you will never get approve for doing it
when you know it could be a lifetime regret

but when temptations is too great to resist.
there is no turning back

2010-01-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

a blog inspired me today.

the bliss i found in my life now.
is all the good friend i have around me.
the flaw i found in my life now.
is its screwed by love once again.

flashing memories
melts the heart.. triggers the mind
when a picture speaks a thousand words
its where your answers can be found
drawing a mind map of questions marks
at the end of the day
nothing is revealed

leaving this confused state
getting rid of such contradictions of words and actions
thinking its all coincidences
but realize it all come back with just one beep.
the little and achieving step that is made
went back to square one.

decipher the thoughts of someone else is just like finding a non-existent word in the dictionary
cause actions don't meet words. words don't meet the heart.

2010-01-12T06:10:00.000-08:00

i gave myself 50 percent today! (=
thanks for all the support from my good friends.
your texts. your care. your concerns. i felt them.

projects! TWO down (=

i just hope it wasn't the truth.
but the ugly truth is better than your tailor-made lies.

2010-01-11T04:38:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA LAUGH IT's A JOKE!

sorry but i guess i gotta post this. another emotional post. yes.
i thought i could move on better today.
yes i have really tried hard. you told me to think...
" it's over. he aint coming back" whenever he comes into my mind.
yes i did that for the whole day.
but i thought of him even more.
i can't take it. i took a nap. but when i wake up.
i hate the nights. it's making me feel really emotional.

if i can just LAUGH my sorrows and pain away.
i am the most dumb person in the world for trusting lies all these while.
i ought to just laugh at my stupidity.

yes my life crumbled. i tried to convinced myself really hard that i would move on.
really.....
i tried very hard.
but when i see the photos of him & her.
my heart really tore. i am really not strong to take all these.........

2010-01-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

... but will you ever regret doing so?

i give myself 10percent today. cause my emotions are overwhelming.
i cried but i want nobody to see the tears.
it hurts to see your life move on but i know i can't even make the first step.
looking at the past photos..
they show the lovely and wonderful scenes we had together once.
its the best memories that I'll keep it forever.

2010-01-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

i think i am stronger today
made a small tiny step.
i give myself 35% today. but i think i still think and cry.

i say like i am strong.
i say i will pull through fast
i say it doesn't matter to me anymore
can anybody tell me who believe me?

i am going 9TEEN. last TEEN of the year.
i know it really gonna be terrible one for me.
why do i always have pre-birthday disasters every year!!!!
why does birthday mean so impt?
why do i hope for something that will never happen?
this is so funny...
holding the little glimpse of hope that probably... maybe...
"don't be silly.. nothing will come out of it. so stop dreaming!"

i wanna sleep.
i wanna be drugged.
i wanna just close my eyes forever and ever
cause when i open my eyes, i know i can't get you off my mind.

if you can't give happiness to the person you love... wish him happiness

2010-01-07T02:02:00.001-08:00

the weather is cold. i caught a cold. my heart feel colder.

i am falling ill because...
i have never hated myself so much for being sick before
THANKS FOR SPREADING IT TO ME!

2010-01-07T01:58:00.000-08:00

Today i give myself 20percent. i am almost totally defeated.
i know i have been a fool all along. that's the fact.
c'monn.. their life still go on happily.
and you r here.... feeling broken.
crying not out but within.
it's pain from inside.
i am strong........ HAHAHA who can ever take this?

the day i get 100 percent...

love is nothing but pain.
it can never be everlasting
cause human just wont be satisfied for one.

2010-01-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

放弃你

i have no idea why this song make me tear.
it felt like she is singing how i feel now.
the lyrics and everything.

if the person that really loves you will never allow you to let go of him/her so easily

i have really given up myself anyway.
given up on the word call love

2010-01-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

when i have given up on you.. i had already give up myself.
given up our love and everything else.
it's never that i wanna let go all these
in the first place.. it's never fair to me.

P.S. i wanna learn to sing this song well.

2010-01-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

if you love something, let it go
if it comes back, then it's yours
if it doesn't, it never was.

i guess i will be left this way all over again.
history repeat itself once more.
same scene. same emotions. same loser.
the feeling sucks even more this time round.
cause i know i am doing a right thing that i'll regret
and i wish i could accept the wrong with love full of lies and self-deceiving.

for so much that had happened.
i can still convinced myself that it is all a pure coincident
it's never to be that way.
the person i knew will never ever treat me this way.
but my eyes can't fooled everything.
my heart choose to believe otherwise. how stupid.
when all the while... it's all lies that you hear.
when all the while... you know you r never in the wrong.
when all the while... you tried to make things right.
it all went wrong. you heart is fooled all over again.

ask yourself?
why you deserve all these?
simply cause you know you can't be in love.
end of story.

so much of hopes and waiting.
so much of disappointment.
i know on the special day next week.
it won't be a good one without you.
my heart feel empty.
it's not a special day anyway.
it just says... i am reaching 19th yet i am still a loser.

well? after all that had happened. i have no rights and time to get emotional.
i know very well how to pick myself up. i know when the night comes i can't close my eyes to sleep. i know i will be crying under my blanket like a loser. i know telling anybody won't make things better. i know i have only myself to get through everything and stand strong again. i know i ain't strong but still the cruel reality force me to. i can't choose. i have to pick myself up. nobody will lead my life for me. i gotta lead it myself.

sometimes.... i just wish... someone will be there for me when i fall.
the fall is too hard for me to take.

2009-12-31T20:11:00.001-08:00

Last day of 2009 was a disaster.

i will always remember this day.

how i slept for only 1 and a half hours.

lying on the bed for 3 hours plus yet i can't fall asleep

tear flow. i cried. my heart felt pain.

the countdown night was really great with those fun people around in pub.

But for me... it's all about anticipation and waiting..

i am like forever waiting.

how long can i wait for this wait to end?

i hoping for a good start for 2010 though i know i cannot expect much.

School work is piling piling AND PILING!

i am crushed.

what's up for next week yo?

when everybody is enjoying their FIRST week of school with nothing much to do.

Pathetic Poly students like ME have ...

1) Group Project work report (my part)

2) Individual Travel report (MONDAY!)

3) Culture Test (THURSDAY!)

4) Club Resort Test (FRIDAY!)

hahahahhas thanks ah! screwed up first week of 2010

i sure can get it ALL over and done with.

....

......

........

many things i wish to say.

i think i really aint good at controlling my emotions.

Crying so easily recently.

2009 has all its up and downs for me.

i got the happiest moments i ever had in my 18 years of life.

but i also receive the toughest moments to pull myself up all over again.

it's amazing how someone can break your heart but you still use the little pieces to love him.

after thinking through. probably i just don't know what's the right thing to do.

i aint good enough. inferior. low self -confidence.

every night i reminiscing the best times, the greatest love i've got.

it's short. but it carved deep into my heart.

maybe, probably the problem lies with me thinking too much all the time.

getting too overly paranoid.

i can't help it but i gotta change it.

time will prove it. i hope.

expecting nothing much for 2010 like seriously.

cause i am broke now.

bIrthday............. 19th!!! f-ed i am old =(

should i have a birthday celebration at club

and invite all my friends????

Dedicate this video to the person you really love(=

2009-12-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

SNAP!

I WANT A CAMERA!!!
sony? lumix?

I WANT shopping.
deprived from
shorts!
dresses?
a new bag!
more clothes!
accessories!

damns. how i wish Santa will give them to me.

2009-12-19T06:27:00.001-08:00

its hard to find an extraordinary out of all.

i say i miss you. if i say i don't. it's a lie. love fade. impossible cause you r never out of my mind.

---------- --------------- ------------------- -------------- --------------- -----------

QUESTION: what does sheep say on 25DEC?

ANSWER: (scroll down) ^^

BIG SIGHS.

cause i ain't looking forward to christmas.

cause i ain't looking forward to 2010.

cause i ain't looking forward to my birthday.

no feeling and mood for christmas.

all i want for christmas... ...

to think of it, actually i hadn't really celebrated a memorable

christmas day in my 18 years of life. -so pathetic.

counting down. 12 days to 2010.

"HAPPY" NEW YEAR.

lol. NO. not a happy one for me.

JANUARY is a hectic and sucky month.

projects submissions and tests just f-ed up the whole month

FOR ME.

resolution for the year...

1) SAVE $$$ /EARN MORE $$$

(for OSIP maybe?)

2) STUDY HARD & PLAY HARD

3) SLIM DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) *secret*

i wanna shout this out:

I AM DAMN BROKE.

and i want buy new clothings.

i want get stuffs.

super upsetting.

can the sky fall money to me.

i want to believe you.

i want to trust you.

but i am afraid if i gave all my trust away.

i ended up to be a FOOL.

ANSWER: MEHHHHHHH -RRRY CHRISTMAS!

2009-12-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

its because of love... that you gave all your support.

its because of love... that you learn to forgive and forget.

its because of love... that you see a flaw as nothing bad.

its because of love... that you give not little but everything.

its because of love... that you change for who you r not.

for all these ain't sacrifices... it comes deep from the heart.

"absence makes the heart grows fonder"

2009-12-18T09:24:00.000-08:00

when the stress level is too high.

that i really really just wanna run away from it.

i have no motivation in doing my work.

there is just too much. simply too much to do.

i dont know where to start.

and with this playful mind. it's even harder . big sighs

2009-12-17T22:22:00.000-08:00

People in love are just either blind deaf OR both

TWo weeks of holidays seems really nothing to me cause
it feels like there is just so much for me to do. just came back from OTC camp.it was FUN... but tiring and my voice now is like SUPER man.

keep going out. like almost everyday. outings gatherings chalet...no time for school work. projects piling. tests coming. f-ed school work.

Sometimes...

i really think influence is a very big thing in people's life.

but you will only get influence by people really close to you.

people whom you need in your life.

somehow what they do just will influence you.

breakng your principles? changing into a totally different person?

falling in

love with clubbing... dancing your troubles away... break free and break loose.

i want to be skinner....

2009-11-15T06:57:00.001-08:00

I HATE PROJECTS.

like seriously. everything is coming. all the bad and stressful stuffs.

i felt like i cannot breathe, i am suffocating.

2 assignment to hand in this week

1 culture test

Group project have yet to research

my heart felt pain...

i am stress to report whats going on in my life now.

give me a break

2009-11-14T21:24:00.000-08:00

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life , only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened.

Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend" one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change . We listened to our friends tell us that we we 're stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while . We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking we would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us . We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and makeup & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn ' t bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if".

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with .

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that " things were going too fast, he needs time ". Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. < / P>

This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an " I told you so ". The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake by ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here are for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better .

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt.

Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the hell he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day you'll find a guy, who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry . You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like hell, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Taken from http://elaine-kkn.jugem.jp/?eid=7

(cousin blog.)

i think it is super true. but its always easier said than done. there is no remedy to mend a broken heart.

2009-11-14T08:01:00.002-08:00

to believe or not to believe?

i guess i am always just too naive

2009-11-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

in the end...

i am no longer...

i will never hear it...

it will never be how is it like before

2009-11-10T04:07:00.000-08:00

its just such a mental torture i feel.

i cant, i just cant say to anyone. its not gonna help, so what for?

i wish i could numb myself with my school work.

Work its piling but i just don't feel like starting.

Where's my motivation?

Probably i would start going all morning lesson from next week

being busy will push all thoughts away right?

Sometimes, the more you yearn for things to get simpler.

it never goes the way you wanted.

the least expected thing had happened.

what more hopes are there?

pathetic and sad life. gotta resigned to that

2009-11-09T09:28:00.000-08:00

POKER KING is a superb movie (=

funny and interesting story line
best part is my favourite actor "gu tian le"
HIGHLY recommended(=

the show is all about playing poker.
made me so wanna play it too. haha

but some thoughts ran through my mind while watching...

love is just like a gamble.
you choose to play this game
you gotta stay till the game ends
you may be the happiest person now
but the next moment you may just lose everything
your stake, your pride, your love.

2009-11-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

Adele birthday celebration was GREATTTTT!

it was good to see all of them again

loads of catch up and yes really missed those times.

things are different now.

Anyw! HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIRST TIME (=

I LOVE MONDAYS!

CAUSE NO SCHOOL FOR ME ON MONDAY (=

however i gotta start serious on my projects !!!

never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain' I never needed strain
My love for you is strong enough you should have known
I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spend
I never ask for help
I take care of myself
I don’t why you think you got a hold on me
And it’s a little late for conversations
There isn’t anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt' hands shiver
So look at me and listen to me because…
I don’t want to stay another minute
I don’t want you to say a single word
Hush hush
Hush hush
There is no other way' I get the final say
Because…
I don’t want to' do this any longer
I don’t want you' theres nothing left to say
Hush hush
Hush hush
I’ve already spoken' our love is broken
Baby hush hush
I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday
I’m sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten' broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong
And it’s a little late for explanations
There isn’t anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt' hands shiver
So you will listen when I say baby…
I don’t want to stay another minute
I don’t want you to say a single word
Hush hush
Hush hush
There is no other way' I get the final say
Because…
I don’t want to do this any longer
I don’t want you there’s nothing left to say
Hush hush
Hush hush
I’ve already spoken' our love is broken
Baby hush hush
No more words
No more lies
No more crying
No more pain
No more hurt
No more trying
I don’t want to stay another minute
I don’t want you to say a single word
Hush hush
Hush hush
There is no other way' I get the final say
Because…
I don’t want to' do this any longer
I don’t want you' theres nothing left to say
Hush hush
Hush hush
I’ve already spoken' our love is broken
Baby hush hush

Sometimes.

you just wished you can stop thinking,

physically and mentally tired.

2009-11-07T00:06:00.000-08:00

I am going ADELE house for her birthday celebration (=

MY LOVELY FIRST TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2009-11-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

School work gonna be really hectic for me =(

so many projects and everything... i just don't know how to start.

The month of october aint a good one for me. so many things that happened

and i gotta accept the changes. i seriously dont like it.

i dont like a change of environment.

i love to be where i used to be.

Life is hard. nobody ever says it will be easy.

so sometimes stop complaining and whining

get on with better goals and achievement in life.

Living for someone is the most stupid thing you'll do

cause you gotta live for yourself

I have a sudden urge of determination.

and that i want to... ...

make a difference in myself.

there wont be any payoff without hard work

we shall see (=

i dedicate this to someone who fooled by love again...

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

people in love can never think realistically

2009-11-01T21:15:00.001-08:00

hello everybody (=

I am back to blogging again.

so much that have happened which cannot be filled with just a few posts.

Too much of ups and downs this period of time.

i gotta learn to be strong.

School started =(

It is a new semester at sentosa Tourism Acadamy

2 weeks in school and i am totally no enjoying at all.

Reason being it is a different class and a very different environment.

I gotta get used to it.

I am just so unlucky to be in a class that i dont have any of my close friends around

what's more i gotta deal with someone that is _______

AND HE IS MY PROJECT MATE.

curse and swear but what to do ?

i have to accept the fact and in life you wont always get the best people to work with

If you are forced to work with lousy people.

The more you have to use you capabilities to prove that all things will work out.

i hope things wont be that bad =(

During my school holidays, i have beeen working at Cafe Del Mar.

IT is a great place to dine and have fun at SENTOSA

but working there is really tiring but it was a great experience (=

i didn't expect that i will turn out so TANNED after that

sigh sigh sigh!

need to work on getting myself fairer (=

Humans r superficial.

to get the TOP

to hold a heart.

to make things work out better.

you just gotta look good!

determination plays a big part !

i am learning to play ignorance and to protect myself